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In a fast, at times awkward world you may find yourself not heard or understood. I offer ‘Listening & Validation’. I confirm I hear you; I appreciate your words with a compassionate ear.
Open to your choice of subjects. No problem is necessary. You can be yourself. I listen whether you are coherent, make sense, or want to tell me stories about your life.
I will listen when you ramble, move from topic to topic or speak about random things. Getting the ideas out is more critical than coherency. Coherency comes when you know you are heard.
Difficult conversations through storytelling: It may be difficult for you to speak to another about your problems or their behaviour or personal difficulties. You want an ear but not be overwhelmed with solutions. We can work on your story, what works and doesn’t until you feel comfortable; like a test drive.
Not being heard is no reason for silence.
Passive listening about you, your life, family, work •
Active listening, hearing with compassion •
Interactive listening – conversational •
• Give feedback on anything you create
• Hear a story or something you’ve written for feedback
• Result oriented Brainstorming &/or Problem Solving
With Great Respect
When you communicate you paint pictures of who you are for the person listening. The person(s) you want to be engaged, to be present responding to what you’ve said, without turning the conversation around to themselves or moving onto other topics.
You want, need and desire a connection from the heart by telling your stories, experiences, and excitements in all facets of your life.
Connecting makes you feel you are a contributor; you are relevant to those you love, your friends and at work.
It is difficult to speak to those who don’t listen. You become frustrated, annoyed and feel dismissed. Then a point comes when you don’t try or care. Even when it is for work, why bother?
When not being heard, interrupted, dismissed and/or ignored your heart
becomes sad, a little spark goes dimmer and you withdrawal. After a while, you may find it difficult to speak up, to get your needs met, to make an effort and relationships grow distant, even abandoned. Fewer people to share your day with, your hopes and dreams.
In some instances where families don’t listen, you may become lonely. I have a client who’s family talk over each other, bark and criticise easily for what seems irrelevant things. She became so distraught that she stopped speaking altogether. To her surprise her husband and mother told her if she wanted to be heard, she needed to change her attitude.
Extreme? Not so much today with texting, Facebook and emails to name a few modern distractions. More people who are present, live bodies in the room are ignored or put to the side.
I Hear You!
When I hear you, I listen to connect with who you are. I engage to understand your story not make this about my story. I hope to bring your authentic self-alive, making you feel respected and significant.
For respectful two-sided communication with an emphasis on my making a genuine connection, is to give you respect regarding what you are saying, even if I may disagree.
To honour you I will allow you to speak freely without discounting you, or interrupting. All too often, especially adolescents are not heard because adults know best. Or a spouse is not heard when the partner needs to be “right” or does not want to listen to the message.
A major way to enhance feeling significant that you matter to someone in all types of relationships is to hear with the heart. I take the time, have patience and believe you should be heard.
The Practice of Being Heard
When you know you’re not being listened to, dismissed or talked over, there is a part of you that wants to cry. An evaluation of your communicating style, who does and doesn’t hear you and what outcome would you like to achieve in being listened to.
Importantly I want one session to solely be me hearing you, to authenticate that you are worth listening to, and have you know how good that is. Your feedback will be encouraged.
You practice becoming self-reliant validating your own existence, feelings and stories which get you beyond the anxiety, disappointment of not being heard. You learn to stop trying to open closed doors. Some people will never listen.
The practice is for you to receive the acknowledgement and internalise the benefits of someone validating your thoughts and stories. You learn different communicating styles to find the right ones for you.
Being heard is also about how to communicate your needs, speaking up calmly, and listening as well. Once you find the communicating styles and techniques that work best for you, you internalise a comfort in which to connect.
You feel accomplished at being prepared to move on quickly when your conversational needs are not being met. Recognising the signs earlier before time is wasted, or feelings become involved.
Confidently you have insight who to make friends with, which family and colleagues to reciprocate a respectful connection.
When speaking to rude, uncooperative people, you will have skills to be heard, get your needs met and find solutions.
There is always that person who you will not reach. Knowing their behaviour is not personal. Your self-worth is not hinged on their opinions.