When you communicate you paint pictures of who you are for the person listening. The person(s) you want to be engaged, to be present responding to what you’ve said, without turning the conversation around to themselves or moving onto other topics.
You want, need and desire a connection from the heart by telling your stories, experiences, and excitements in all facets of your life.
Connecting makes you feel you are a contributor; you are relevant to those you love, your friends and at work.
It is difficult to speak to those who don’t listen. You become frustrated, annoyed and feel dismissed. Then a point comes when you don’t try or care. Even when it is for work, why bother?
When not being heard, interrupted, dismissed and/or ignored your heart
becomes sad, a little spark goes dimmer and your withdrawal. After a while,you may find it difficult to speak up, to get your needs met, to make an effort and relationships grow distant, even abandoned. Fewer people to share your day with, your hopes and dreams with.
In some instances where families don’t listen, you may become lonely. I have a client who’s family talk over each other, bark and criticise easily for what seems irrelevant things. She became so distraught that she stopped speaking altogether. To her surprise her husband and mother told her if she wanted to be heard, she needed to change her attitude.
Extreme? Not so much today with texting, Facebook and emails to name a few modern distractions. More people who are present, live bodies in the room are ignored or put to the side.
I HEAR YOU!
When I hear you, I listen to connect with who you are. I engage in to understand your story not share mine with you. I hope to bring your authentic self-alive, making you feel respected and significant.
For respectful two-sided communication with an emphasis on my making a genuine connection, is to give you respect regarding what you are saying, even if I may disagree.
To honour you I will allow you to speak freely without discounting you, or interrupting. All too often, especially adolescents are not heard because adults know best. Or a spouse is not heard when the partner needs to be “right” or does not want to listen to the message.
A major way to enhance feeling significant that you matter to someone in all types of relationships is to hear with the heart. I take the time, have patience and believe you should be heard.
Besides building up your confidence, validating your existence, feelings and stories, I want to help you get beyond the anxiety, disappointment of not being heard.
When your confidence builds, you have a clear perceptive of whom to communicate. You can then make friends, connect with family and colleagues who are respectfully available. (You stop trying to open closed doors that you think will open if you keep trying, nope not gonna happen.)
Additionally, when you are faced by circumstances to speak to rude, uncooperative co-workers or others, you will have skills to be heard, get your needs met and find solutions.
There is always that person who you will not reach. Knowing their behaviour is not personal, thankfully you will choose not to be impacted emotionally. Your self-worth is not hinged on their opinions so you’ll find a way not to need to speak to them.